If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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