hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
