"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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