if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
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He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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