Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
