I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
sarcasm needs its own font
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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