I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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