I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
