Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
