names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
