Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
