oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
