I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i drank out of a bidet.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
