Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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