Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
