you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
