so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
