let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
