just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just blew my weed a kiss
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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