based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
