The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
