Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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