it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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