everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
