dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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