things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
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Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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