If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
