My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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