You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
