Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
