You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
