She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize