My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
