Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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