Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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