I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
