I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
