Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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