Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
