I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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