Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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