I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I need a beard to bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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