There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
