Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
