so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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