I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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