i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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