Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
