am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
