some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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