why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
