these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
