i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
