I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
