What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
