i barfeds in our rink
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
