i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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