also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
