Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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