I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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