You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
