I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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