you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
