Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
