Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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