Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
