I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You are a genius and a whore.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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