i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
