Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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