and she was petting her beer can
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
