He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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