I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
